Give a F*k presented by Spark Consciousness
We're dropping knowledge bombs and answering your burning questions about Nature, animals, spirituality, mental health, women's empowerment, and other profound topics.
This podcast probably won't change your life, but hopefully, it will give you some food for thought - some guidance on this twisted path we call human existence.
A presentation of Spark Consciousness, hosted by Sarah Woodard
Give a F*k presented by Spark Consciousness
From Office Walls to Coffee Shops: Crafting Stories and Lives #changemakers series with Steve Silverman
Can you imagine reaching the milestone of 200 podcast episodes while simultaneously releasing a new book? Join us as we welcome back Steve Silverman from the World Gone Good podcast to celebrate his accomplishments.
Steve shares his journey to his latest Cozy Mysteries release, "Murder Unmasked," and we chat about his life experiences, including a recent earthquake that rattled his senior dogs.
Plus, we explore the profound themes of my upcoming poetry book, which scrutinizes the current political climate and the tug-of-war between the divine feminine and the male ego.
Discover the unique environments that foster creativity as we discuss everything from writing poetry in solitude to crafting stories in bustling coffee shops.
I share my personal journey of compiling poems into a book that reflects a path from isolation to empowerment.
We talk about the hurdles of self-publishing, designing book covers with Canva, and even the inspiration behind creating a fictional 55-plus community setting.
Additionally, we navigate the emotional and spiritual aspects of finding the perfect home, embracing patience, and finding the path to career fulfillment.
Don't miss this engaging episode packed with personal stories, creative insights, and thought-provoking discussions!
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I'm excited to welcome Steve from World Gone Good podcast back to the show. We never have a plan and we always have fun, so join us on season two, episode 16 of Give a Fuck, presented by Spark Consciousness, for what's sure to be a fun and enlightening conversation. Steve, welcome back. I'm so excited to chat with you again.
Speaker 2:I love that we never have a plan. We don't, right? I mean, well, I have plans. Don't make plans, people, just go for it, just live your life.
Speaker 1:See what happens. It Just live your life, see what happens, seriously. So I know, since the last time you were on, you've had some changes, but why don't we refresh everyone on who you are and what you do? And then, of course, if you want to ask me a question, you can, and if not, we'll just dive right in.
Speaker 2:Great, my name's Steve and my last name's Silverman and my social security number is one. No, just kidding, and I host and produce a podcast called World Gone Good. We are coming up on our I can't believe I'm saying this 200th episode, wow, which is fast approaching. I know crazy, right, and I am also a writer. I just published my second book, which just actually came out this week.
Speaker 1:Yay, congratulations.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you know all about that. We can talk a lot about that, but I read Cozy Mysteries and I have a Cozy Mysteries series called the Dog Walking Detectives, and the second book, murder Unmasked, just came out. It's Halloween themed and I think that's all I got at the moment. That's it. We had an earthquake last night. We had a pretty impressive earthquake. If anybody would like to hear about that, that was good.
Speaker 1:Wonderful. I'm glad you're okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was good I got an alert. This has never happened. The phone went off and went. I was like what the fuck is that? And I look at it and it says I'm not kidding. It says incoming earthquake Stop, drop, cover, protect yourself. And about five seconds later the swaying began. And it was just a swayer, it wasn't a jolt, it was just one of the swayers, yeah, but all our senior dogs came running in the room like the hell is going on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like what's wrong? Daddies, we're upset. Yeah, well, very cool. So let's, let's. Uh, I don't know, I never really get to talk about the writing stuff on my show that much when it's just me. So let's, can we?
Speaker 2:talk about that more. Can we do that? Oh my god, yes please, okay.
Speaker 1:So I I love that you just came out with a new book, because I actually have a new non-children's book actually coming out in September.
Speaker 2:Excellent.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it's my fourth poetry book that's coming out and I was actually really inspired by how I am perceiving our current political climate, which I know actually feels really devastating, but from a higher level, I'm like this is actually a battle between the divine feminine and the male ego political climate which I know actually feels really devastating, but from a higher level, I'm like this is actually a battle between the divine feminine and the male ego, and I'm not criticizing either one. They live inside both. Both of those live inside every person, no matter how you gender identify.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:But I feel like that's what this fight is. It's divine feminine and male ego and I'm like I'm going to do everything I can to help divine women rise, because that's what needs to happen right now. That's what this battle is, and so somehow that inspired this poetry book. That's all about divine women rising, so it's very cool.
Speaker 2:I think I'm a male ego and I am not reading that book. I think that's so important right now and I think, really, what is what I'm seeing happening in the world and you know this has been talked about is that the old ways of doing things are not working. And literally the world, the earth itself, is crumbling around us going hey, that's not working. Hey, capitalism isn't working. Hey, um, all this plastic isn't working. Hey, eating all this meat, chicken and fish it ain't working.
Speaker 1:And there are people it hasn't been working.
Speaker 2:No, and we've been in denial, denial, denial, and we've been buying, you know. Oh no, it's fine, I'm fine, I bought my 47,000 inch square TV, flat screen TV, so I'm fine, right, but but which isn't a criticism, because this is part of life and we all, you know.
Speaker 1:I don't live in a cave. Everybody right, like I don't have a candle Conveniencies, but there's right that needs to be struck here.
Speaker 2:Yes, right, and so I do. I love that, and I see that, and I love it. I see it in, I see it in growth of friends of mine who, you know, are stuck in their own ways and are starting to go. Oh shit, like I have to think about, you know, not just myself in this moment. I have to think about what the next 10 years are going to be, but the next 20 years are going to be, and also how the world is going to look back at us in 50, a hundred years and go the fuck, were they doing?
Speaker 1:If, if the world even still exists in 50, a hundred years, cause we keep going where we're going.
Speaker 2:Right, you not in 50 100 years because we keep going.
Speaker 1:We're going right, you know, be here for anybody to look back on, right, it'll be. You know some, some animal that doesn't even exist right now. That goes the. Those humans do right, you know right, they're doing that. Now they're looking at us going. What the are you humans doing, like you know? Which, as you, know was like the inspiration for my spark consciousness. Business, anyways, is to help change that tide, but yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's why it's good Cause my book is much lighter. I just murder people.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, who doesn't fantasize about a good murder Like I? Personally am a huge Steve. You know this anyways from the previous times that we've chatted. I am a huge mystery fan anyways.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so the fact that you're writing cozy mysteries about walking your dogs. It's like oh well, gee. Could that be any more perfect? Can we please murder a politician? Who's orange?
Speaker 2:It's so funny, though, because when I put out my first book, you were one of the first people who commented and you said I had the preorder go up. And this was like back in October. And you said, like, is there going to be a non print version? Is there? And I'm like it's already up? Of course there is, because and I have friends write me all the time and they say which one do you benefit more from? And I'm like what do you mean benefit more from? And they said, well, financially, which one is the better cut? I said actually, believe it or not? The non-paperback version. We take home more money.
Speaker 1:We do.
Speaker 2:It's weird, yeah, it's weird. You wouldn't think that right, but it's really-.
Speaker 1:Because you actually you charge less for it, but the percentage that you get is more.
Speaker 2:And so it's more yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it costs them less to make it. They're basically they're basically emailing your PDF for you to someone else. Yes, essentially it's a little more complicated than that, but basically, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's. But you can relate to this because it's something like a friend of mine asked me oh my God, how did you write? You know a second book already and I feel like I'm behind, like I was hoping to have the second book out by March. I have like all this pressure on me that I always put on myself.
Speaker 1:But um, we're, we're the best at that, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right and um. But then I have to tell them like, look, writing the book is easy, coming up with the plots, that's enjoyable. Going away, I went to Sedona for five days four and a half five days by myself. I wrote. My goal was to write three chapters a day. I did. I couldn't believe it. I got more than half the book done in five days. It was amazing. And because you're completely focused, you got these beautiful red mountains to look at. But, as you know, as self-publishing goes, the next oh, boy.
Speaker 1:The rest of the process is hell, hell.
Speaker 2:You're like wait, what wait. Why are you? One thing happened. There's much cursing at technology yes, yes, and they're like, oh, they're like, and they say the dumbest shit. They're like um, your, your cover is 0.00. I'm not making this up, stopping me. 0.001.25, 0.00125%, too short with, and you can't.
Speaker 1:Okay, you can't just fix it, you have to redo the entire thing.
Speaker 2:You got to redo the whole fucking thing because you can make it 0.025. There's no way to make it 0.00125 people. So my graphic artist is my niece and she's fantastic. The first time she made the covers for my first book I said write it down, write everything down. She said I did, I will, uncle Steve, I will, uncle Steve. So I went to the second set of covers. She's just like oh shit, I didn't write any of that down. I'm like I told you yeah, but that's part of it, that's part of the brain, isn't it? Left right brain, there's the, you know, strategizing side and the diagramming side and the list side and then there's the fun, creative side that just drinks wine and walks dogs and eats chocolate.
Speaker 2:And then you have to do both and you just sit there going and you literally start to tear your own hair out.
Speaker 1:This is why I had to take a break, because I mean, as you know, I was coming out with three, four children's books a month Cause I was working off of. I was working off a backlog, right, because you can, like you said, you can write them quickly, that's not the problem. And my illustrator was like the quickest draw of this side of the Mississippi, although he's in Venezuela. But you know what I'm saying. Like that wasn't the problem, but it was like by the time I would wrestle all of the tech stuff and get it up and he I mean, he was really good, like he knew the sizes, like we didn't have to fight any of that shit after the first couple of books, but it was. There was still just always some technical thing and they've changed the interface or this or that. By the time I would get all of that laying flat. It was time to do it again.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Finish the next book and I'm like I can't. I'm going to get through the backlog because these are stories that need to be told, and then I just can't do this right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I love it. I mean, I love telling stories. It's like one of my favorite things to do. Wait, I have a question about your poetry book. So you wrote poetry, Is it when you plot it out? Are you writing it in a certain order? Are you doing a collection and then sitting down and putting everything on the floor and going? Let me put this in order.
Speaker 1:So that is a great question. And so poetry was actually like the first thing I ever wrote. Like starting in eighth grade is actually when I started writing poetry. Kids books came later, although I have to say, the process of like finding the right couple of words to keep it short but express something really complicated is what I love about both of them. But with the poetry stuff, like I just I had kind of just been keeping like a tickler file, if you will, as I would get inspired, I would like write a poem, and then I would just forget that I had them.
Speaker 1:And then I got this idea and I was like, well, I wonder what I already have. And I was looking at, I was like, oh, I've like got 50% of a book already, okay. So then it was like, well, what else? You know what? And then I started, I started to think, well, what else, what other poems? And so a few more showed up. And then I started to think about the structure, and so for this one there are three sections and I wanted it to kind of flow from that place of where you feel all alone and you're by yourself and you're screaming into the void, through the transition growth phase and then into powerful, powerful, divine, feminine, rising right. And so that's like the three different structures, the three different sections, and I wanted it to flow. And so then I started to organize and see okay, how many poems do I have in each section right now? Because I didn't have to be exactly even, but I wanted them to be kind of even at least, so it wasn't like three here and like 10 over there, you know.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:And then I was like, okay, this section's a little light, Okay, what other poems need to show up for this? And I would kind of sit with it and like play with the words and you know, do all that stuff, until it kind of came together. And then it came together and I was like, all right, I'm just going to do the cover, because it's going to be a painful process whether I bring in someone else or not, because I have to deal with the sizing thing and la, la, la, Right. So I was like I'm just going to do it myself.
Speaker 1:So I cause I use Canva basically every day anyways, and I was like I think I can use Canva and like a graphic from Pixabay or whatever, and as long as I can find what I want, I'm just going to do it myself. And wouldn't you know, I found like the most perfect vector file on Pixabay it's a woman's, like a silhouette of a woman's head with, like the power fist, like in the middle. I was like, well, that is perfect, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Now this is very good, because anyone listening who is sitting there going well, I want to write a book, or I have an idea for a book, and I said this all the time. The only person stopping you from writing a book is yourself, that's it. Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely Write it. That doesn't mean it's publishable right off the bat, but write it right, Work with it. See what happens.
Speaker 2:Right, right, yeah, it is so interesting. Now here's a question what music do you listen to music, or do you need complete silence when you write?
Speaker 1:Okay, Well, I don't need complete silence. I'm not necessarily a music person. I have, like, my TV friends, which is not to say I watch soaps, I really don't. But, like right now, I have Madam Secretary going in the background, which was kind of an appropriate background for this particular book, because this, you know, she is a very, you know, strong, powerful woman and channeling her own inner wisdom and inner strengths to make the world a better place. And so it was kind of an appropriate friend to have going in the background.
Speaker 2:But there's no judgment. There's no judgments. If you have, if you have soap opera friends, I wouldn't judge you for that. I actually worked at. I worked at general hospital in days of our lives, so I wouldn't have any judgments on that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I got yeah, sure, that's awesome. Now, what do you? What's your process like? Do you have music or what do you do?
Speaker 2:Um, I don't know, my process changes. I find that when I um, when I want to write certain things, I need to be in my office by myself. When I want to write other things, I need to be in a coffee shop with people around me. I know that sounds weird, right? No, it doesn't. It makes sense.
Speaker 2:I need that like an energy and a flow going on, and because my book, these books, take place in a 55 plus community, so I have this whole like I've created an idea in my head that you know, in the first book I said it's two figure eights. Crisscrossed in the middle is the pool, the community clubhouse, the tennis courts, um and uh, I think that's all, oh, and there's a park, okay, so there's four things basically in the middle, in different areas, and then you got all these houses, but I never really, um, uh, you know, freaked out over. Okay, I gotta have all these characters figured out, because I was always like all right, it's a 55 plus community, people are going to move in, people are going to move out, people are going to get murdered, people are going to naturally die, and I want this like group of core characters and I love them that I've created and I actually they're like family really.
Speaker 2:They become family right and so like and my lead lead characters are a, a divorced couple who are actually. We find out in the first book, in the second chapter they are not divorced. They just told everybody they got divorced. So it's kind of it's, it's very, it's a very, I'd like to say because it's my personality, it's very quirky, it's very funny and the whole thing is is that she announces to everybody in the second chapter that she's engaged to her, she got engaged to her boyfriend, and then he pulls her aside and he's like yeah, there's one problem. And she's like what's the problem? And he's like we're still married. And she's like, oh, that's right. And so that becomes part of the story of like them like, and he goes and gets the documents about.
Speaker 2:So I I put some little soapy things in as I go yeah but I really like I I created this, you know much, like you just said is like I have all these different characters that I created and like one thing that a friend of my parents well, my parents, my mom now a friend of theirs is like really into pickleball and I was like, okay, I got to do something because I set up tennis courts in the first book. I need there to be a whole like subplot about the pickleballers versus the tennis players. So I added that in the first book I need there to be a whole subplot about the pickleballers versus the tennis players.
Speaker 1:So I added that in the first book, because it's just like that's what.
Speaker 2:And then you're just having fun and that's the whole key thing. We talk about this on our show all the time is just have fun. And if it's fun, and anybody who sits out there and goes I don't have time, I don't have time, I don't have time. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. You can make time if you choose to make time, and that may mean giving some other things up, or it just might mean getting up 30 minutes early or staying up 30 minutes later or finding those moments that you're like yeah, finding the balance.
Speaker 2:It's just like when somebody tells me, you know, not the greatest example or bad example Like I can't, I, I don't have time to make a healthy meal, I don't have time to go to the gym, and I'm like so you have time to treat yourself like shit.
Speaker 1:So this actually leads me into a question, Cause I know cause. You and I are obviously friends outside of podcasting.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I know you recently restarted your business.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so your life is obviously like your time is different. Your life is different now. And so how are you kind of finding that balance again now that you've had to realign, kind of how your day is set up and all of that kind of your how your day is set up and all of that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's kind of interesting because, um, two plus years ago, uh, I got the rug pulled out from under me from the company that I put a total of six, almost 11 and a half years working. I took a break in the middle there and they kind of pulled the rug out from under me and, um, they told me I could continue working remotely. And then they changed their mind and I was like I don't want to go back to an office environment. I'll be the first person to tell everybody right now. I'm like you don't want me in an office. I don't have the personality for an office.
Speaker 2:I'm not like a jerk or anything, but like, for instance, our Christmas parties back in the early 2000s of this company. They sucked so bad. They sucked so bad. They sucked so bad what they would do. Oh God, I'm a terrible person. Okay, none of them work there anymore. Who cares? They would get a bar and we go to a bar and it was just a bunch of I'm sorry white, straight males getting as drunk as humanly possible, while the one gay that was me and all the, the women just watch, and we would get there like, and oh my God, there was one year they didn't order any food.
Speaker 2:We're just like this is our Christmas party. And they're like, no, the drinks are on the house. The drinks are on the house and I'm like, yeah, that's nice, but I mean I'm not 18. I'm not in a frat house.
Speaker 1:So that all said.
Speaker 2:I decided one year I don't know what made me do this I didn't ask anyone, I could have gotten in so much trouble for this. I just made signs. I made up a game, a game show for Christmas, for the holidays, and I put up these signs and I told everybody the game show is tomorrow at 4pm. Please meet in the common area, because we're this really large center area. So all these people are like what is this? What is this? So everybody literally showed up Like it was funny as fuck. Like 50 people just came out, like what is happening? No one knew, but a couple of people knew.
Speaker 2:I put signs and I wheeled in these presents on a cart and I said hello and I go. So I decided that my Christmas gift, holiday gift, hanukkah gift, kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate to all of you is a game show. And if you want a Christmas, holiday present, hanukkah, whatever you'll have to earn it by simply playing the game show. Would you like to play the game show? And all of them were like yes, they all went bananas. So I said all you have to do if you want to be a contestant on the game show is write your name and put it in this bowl. Everyone put their name in Of course.
Speaker 2:I chose. There were 14 gifts I chose. It's like a white elephant party. Okay, I chose 14 names randomly, made them all line up. I went to Mark Pritchard, that is his name. I go up to Mark Pritchard. I said hello, mark. And he's like hello, I go. You're the first contestant on the game show. He's like, oh great, I go, you will answer a question. You answer it correctly. All you do is walk over, take a prize from a bag, show everybody the prize. There's some wonderful things, there's some funny things, there's some not so wonderful things. He's like great. And I said Mark, question number one. It's really easy, you're, we all love Michelle. And he's like, yes, couldn't love her more. She's worked here 20 years.
Speaker 2:He's like, yes, please correctly pronounce her last name oh, wow couldn't do it he just nodded, like the head of shame went down and he just walked away and everybody started playing. We got six people in as people tried to pronounce her last name. Her last name is Fittanarian.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:P-H-E-Y-T-I-R-I-A-N. I believe I just spelled that right. So the following year it became a running joke. So the following year it was spell it and that was killing people, but we just had like it was like it was just fun, but those were that's the type of person I am and see to me that it makes you perfect for being in an office, because you bring the morale up.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I try to keep the workflow going and people, overall, I believe, enjoy working with me. It's just the environment really changed after the lockdown. And you know look, I get it You're paying for a corporate space. You're paying all this money. You're paying for air conditioning, you're paying for desks, you're paying for internet and electricity and there are no bodies in the office. That's a waste of the office. That's a waste of money. That's a waste of money. Also, it's like a little prison when you think about it. I sent a little bullshit cube.
Speaker 2:They took my, they took all our offices away because they wanted to do that open space concept. Bullshit, I don't need that no, thank you, yeah, no no, can I like, honestly, can I? Can I just have a fucking phone call quietly in a close my door? Maybe?
Speaker 1:for like a private space.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Can I? Can I fart? Would it be okay if I just in my own? So yes, I have gone back to working remotely. I am running my own company. As you know, as somebody who does your own thing, there's pluses and minuses.
Speaker 2:One of the biggest minuses, everybody knows, is if you don't like the comfort of a consistent paycheck that you know is going to arrive every Friday or every other Friday, the consistent paid off holidays, the sick days, the vacation I get that. I loved it when I had it too. But then I have times, like now, where you and I we had to shuffle this around because I booked something. All of a sudden that's going September to March and, hilariously, yesterday I have this week and next week free. I booked something that is due now Monday. It's a writing assignment. So it's great, nobody feel bad for me. I love it and I am a person of abundance. I have a person who, I say I opened the door to this. If it is to come to me, it's to come to me. Um, and then this is something else I wanted to ask you about, because I'm not. I've, I've stopped chasing. Do you still feel? Are you a chaser? Do you feel you chase? Whatever it is, dreams, art life.
Speaker 1:It's definitely something I've struggled with, because I get, I get I don't want to say anxious, but maybe excited would be a better word for it and like I want it and I want it now. And I am also a person that, like I'm a follower, upper right, like if I have sent you an email and it's been like 48 hours and I haven't heard back from you, like I am going to harass you until I get back Right and like hello, sarah, spelled backwards, is harassed minus an S. Okay, so and and while that served me really well in certain roles in the corporate world, like decades ago, it is in fact chasing Right and and I don't energetically love how that feels, because then there's like this desperation to it right, and like you, I am a person of abundance and I trust that if it's meant to come to me, it will come to me. However, I also still struggle with the timing of the realm of humanity that I live in. I am not actually meant to live in society that moves at this pace and it's always the wrong pace. It's either too fast or too slow. It's never Sarah Speed. And so I struggle with achieving that balance and saying to myself okay, do not chase it, do not chase it, do not chase it. But also you want it and you want to be clear that you want it. Because you do have to be very clear with the universe and sometimes that means you have to follow up a few times. Sometimes that means you have to go through the mud and the hard shit to get the thing you want, to prove to the universe how bad you want it, which sucks and is stupid, because at some point it should become a freaking given. But I struggle with that balance and one of the ways I'm struggling with that right now, which we'll talk about more on your show and, yes, everybody, I'm going to be on his show too.
Speaker 1:Again, I am in the process of looking for yet another place to move to. It will be the last one, because it is in the soul aligned area of the world where I am supposed to live and I'm excited about that. And there's a house that I know is the right one and literally at the moment I figured out it was the right one. The next day they pulled it off the market. It was supposed to be temporary because there was a family emergency. It hasn't come back yet.
Speaker 1:My realtor is trying to get information from the listing agent, his broker has said well, you have to keep going through that annoying attempting to reach the agent for 30 days before the broker can reach out. I'm like to reach the agent for 30 days before the broker can reach out. I'm like why does this always happen to me? Right, but it's also part of that process, right. I'm like, and I know why this always happens to me it's because I'm freaking Sisyphus and I have to constantly prove that I'm willing to push that goddamn rock up that goddamn hill for all eternity just to get what I want that goddamn hill for all eternity, just to get what I want.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 1:I love that you call it Sarah time.
Speaker 2:I love that so much and I and I also think that it is a lesson in life of patience, which you know, and and that things like I talk about this a lot I talked about this on my show too is like, sometimes the thing you're pushing up that hill is not going to be the reward you're expecting at the top and it's going to lead to something completely different that you didn't even ever expect. That you're going to go. Well, thank God I pushed it up this hill and I got up here, because this other thing wouldn't have come to me, and that has happened to me numerous times, as you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, this one in particular I don't think is that's the case, because I've gotten kind of external third party confirmation that this is the house, like my realtor, is also very in tune with this sort of stuff. He's very spiritually aligned and all that jazz and he was like, oh yeah, this is the one. And so he was just as perplexed as me and he has the same sort of feeling like the world is never the right time stuff that I do.
Speaker 1:And so I said well, this is because I'm Sisyphus and he's like yep, you're right, he says, but I still think this is your house. I'm like I do too. So can we just stop playing games now, universe? But I do believe, in this particular situation, it is one more lesson in being patient, because that I struggle with. That it's the world is either way too slow, which is like 90% of the time it's way too slow, or it's like, oh my God, slow down, I just want to get off the planet. There's never, it's never, sarah time, and so I do think this is another one of those occasions when the world is going okay, sarah, you have to learn to function in human time. I don't really want to.
Speaker 2:I know it's so and time is such a weird trippy thing and there's times where, like there's times when I'm sure everyone can relate to this where you're like you blink and it's seven hours later and you're like how did that move so quickly? And there's other times where it's like tick, tick. You're like what is happening? But on the house note, I got to tell you so the house I'm sitting in right now that we have now we made an offer on this house and they never responded. We never heard back. There was no response. There was not a yes or a no, there was just a nothing.
Speaker 1:It was crickets.
Speaker 2:Crickets. Then we heard that she got a full price offer. And we didn't offer a full price. We offered her under because Because it's what it was worth. It needed work and it needed work. So we're like, okay, so that's it. So then we went into this other house and we're set to buy that house. And then he the he had $9,000 in unpaid permit work.
Speaker 1:Holy crap.
Speaker 2:One thing was a gazebo that he illegally built in the backyard, and it's a gorgeous gazebo, gorgeous. Except he built it right onto and used the neighbor's garage, so the garage wall was part of the regular wall, if that makes sense it does, yeah, so he, he basically constructed it into their wall at some point yeah, that's not cool no, and I guess I didn't notice because I guess it's a thick wall, I don't fucking know.
Speaker 2:So we got told okay, so you'll have to take the gazebo down, you'll have to repair that, blah, blah, blah. He was told this and $9,000. So you're looking at it probably like I don't know. I'm making up a number $15,000 worth of work, right, to get this all taken care of. And I was really sad because that gazebo in the backyard was like a really great selling point, really nice, and it was cute, right. So he said to us well, I'm just passing that along to you guys, so you'll have to handle that. And I said, no, you're taking $15,000 to $20,000 off of the sale price. And thankfully we were able to get out of it because it was a permit issue.
Speaker 2:So then we had no house and we're like, oh my God, and there was very little inventory here and boohoo, couldn't get a house. This is back in 2015, 2016. And then our realtor calls and said so remember the house on Chapala? And I said, yeah, she said so, they accepted your offer. And I said from a hundred days ago. And she's like uh-huh, she goes. Apparently their buyer did one of those things that buyers do and anyone listening. Do not do this. It's a bad thing to do as a human. This person went and put in offers on four different homes. This is a common things people were doing. They were putting in multiple like that home, that home, that home, that home and then going all right, I want this home and dropping out of the other three, but you tie up all those houses.
Speaker 1:Right, but you tie up all those houses right and it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not good, it's that's bad, that's not no, that's bad human skills.
Speaker 1:Like buyer agents should not even be allowing their buyers to do that plus I think I think this person had four different agents, believe it or not? Like that's not so that, at least in most states I don't know how it is in california every state is different I don't think it's legal in most states, that's not even legal. Yeah, no, I I make. I don't know how it is in California. Every state is different. I don't think it's legal, but in most states it's not even legal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I don't know what the deal was, but we wound up getting this original house and we got it for the asking price that we the amount we wanted and it all worked out. But it was such a weird ride and it's the second time that happened. That happens is because the first place, the first condo we bought in Palm Springs, was during the crash of the market. We put an offer in in like 2010 on this place that, um, that it was bank owned. They had three of them. We said we would take any of the three in this development. We liked all of them. Just tell us which one. Like what? The bank never responded Nothing.
Speaker 2:We found out that they went with two other people and then, out of nowhere, again this happened. It was like, five months later, the bank has accepted your offer. I said, well, that was my offer five months ago, but that was just again like where it's like the patience involved in that, right. And then you're also sometimes questioning like or at least I do like, okay, so it didn't happen when I wanted it to happen, but it's happening now. Is it didn't happen when I wanted it to happen, but it's happening now? Is it meant to happen now, or is something better going to happen? Should I, especially with big life purchases?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 1:So, yeah Well, and it also adding to all of this, like internalized impatience, is the fact that I am so not happy where I am right now and and I'm kind of like, okay, like you see that I'm unhappy and yet I'm trying to do the work and I'm trying to do all the self-care, Like you see this universe, you see this, why aren't you helping me out? You know what I mean. And so there gets to be that voice of like questioning faith in a way, to be that voice of like questioning faith in a way, and and it's it's like a recurring process in my life, I guess, is my point. And so, because of that, I continue to try to find that balance of like chasing but but also not, like you know, trying to like wait patiently for the right time and the right situation and all of that, but also like very clearly go after what I want yeah but without like.
Speaker 2:Without like the desperation that's involved in chasing, if that makes sense it does, but and part of it is, which you know this is the uncomfortable part is, in the long run, the biggest growth part, and it's the strength part and it's the test part, but the uncomfortable is where the really cool stuff happens, is where it all happens, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I'm seeing a ton of that and I guess part of it for me, like I'm the only person I know that has a midlife crisis like every 15 years. But, swear to God, I do it, maybe even more, maybe even more often than that. But like I swear to God, like it's cause I'm a Scorpio and I have like three planets in Scorpio. Like my whole life is just like, oh, let's just blow shit up and start over, I swear to God. And so some of this is definitely, like you know, my own making and I do get that. But I feel like I've made a huge, like I've been.
Speaker 1:You know, as we'll talk about also more on your show preview for my listeners I've moved around like a shit ton in the past few years and I'm kind of ready now Like I just want to be in that stable place where I know I'm not moving again, where I can reassure the cats and truly mean it this time that we're not moving again and I can actually start to like connect to the community and build up a social circle again, build up a network of friends and put down some roots again.
Speaker 1:Like I've gotten to a point where I really need that and it's really hard right now, knowing that I am not quite able to do that and although I have taken some steps to try to put in some roots where I know I'm going, even though I'm not physically there yet. I actually joined the high holidays committee for the synagogue in that area that I'm moving to, because they were kind of my beacon Even with all of this moving around. They were always that beacon of like. That, I know, is where I'm supposed to wind up, but it's not time yet.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And so you know I've taken some steps and I'm also making some changes with my work life and it's just like okay, but also it would be really helpful if I had a little stability, please Like yeah, yeah, it's I, I.
Speaker 1:the older I get, the less like, the more I realize like stability is like stability is the dream you know it's like yeah, I guess for me, like I, I've never had it, even as a kid I've never had it, and so I feel like it's it's. I can create it for myself, though, right, and, and one piece of that is finally being in that final forever home, um. So let me ask you because of that, I also want to take the time to make sure I get the right place and not just jump on something because it could work.
Speaker 2:So is the issue you're having the physical space, the house you're in or the community, or both, both? Okay, yeah, I get that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, both, and so much more even than that, but yeah and so, but at least it's a roof over my head and you know, and all of that, for now, right, but I don't want to just jump because something could work Like it needs to be the right space, because this needs to be the last time, and so I am trying to be cautious and go after what I want, but make sure that it's really the right thing. And so there is that balance of chase, of not chasing, but yeah, yeah, it's a tough, it's a tough balance, for sure.
Speaker 2:Well, and it's, it's your company, it's spark consciousness, because you're you're, you're conscious of what you're having to do and you're still having to make the goddamn spark happen. It's like it's it does get tiring. I mean like every everything I do requires me ringing the damn bell, and it's like there's times where I'm just like, oh my God, please. But then I can't complain because I, you know, I put up my first show play in 19 years, that that I wrote and produced and directed. I did that last March, in 2023.
Speaker 1:I remember that. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:March in 2023. I remember that, yeah, and I'm proud to say that the average small theater audience size in LA is somewhere around and I'm not making this up like 17, 16 people a night in a 100 seat house. We average 75 a night, which is unheard of. Now. It helped that I cast 15 actors in 10 parts. That helped a lot not going to lie, because they're bringing their friends in, but I have to. That was the plus side. It's like oh my God, people do want to see my stuff, people do want to hear what I have to say. That was exciting, sure, everybody. I still lost close to $9,000, but such is life in little theater. I went in knowing that was going to happen, but it is.
Speaker 2:It's a very tricky balance and it's an exciting balance too, because when I have friends, like they did yesterday. Two of my friends sent me pictures holding my book. They got their delivery of my book. They got their delivery of my book and another friend wrote me and said it downloaded to my Kindle and I'm on chapter three and I'm really enjoying it, and it's that's the kind of thing, like you know, when you are in your zone and you're alone and you're doing these things all by yourself. It's hard, it's hard, it's lonely, it's like a void and you're like, and then you're also just like do I exist?
Speaker 2:I?
Speaker 1:mean when anyone really noticed like I mean, at least you have your husband to like reaffirm the fact that you're alive and breathing.
Speaker 2:Not always, not sometimes even I wonder with him. I'm like, do I, because I'm right here, I used to have this thing thing? I used to have this really weird spiritual thing, um, where I would be like I walk a lot. So, like this morning I walked to the gym, I did my swim and I walked back. So my walk to the gym is about a mile, 1.3 miles each way. So whatever, not, that's not that.
Speaker 2:But sometimes I like, think and I'm and I, and it popped in my head. This is today and maybe it's just me, but since I think, like, what would happen, like if I just stopped walking and I just sat down right here and I just decided I'm just going to sit here, like, would anyone question that? Would anyone notice? Would anybody be concerned? Like these are the weird things that go through my head and I'm like, is that? Like? Is that an artist thing? Is that an insecurity thing? Is that a growing up thing? But it's just like really trying to find how the world works right now and my place in it is, and always continues to be, quite a journey, and I'm 54 fucking years old.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's. You're never supposed to be completely done with that journey, because it evolves, because we evolve we, we learn more, our wisdom grows and therefore how we show up in the world shifts.
Speaker 2:Right, right.
Speaker 1:You know, and also like, one of the things I did when I was in Colorado was studied way more spirituality stuff than I ever thought I would study and I loved every second of it. But one of the things I looked at was numerology and, although it varies a little bit based on your personal numerology, which is based on your birthday and your name, generally speaking the mid-50s-ish is what they start to call the wisdom years, and that's when you finally like, start to come into your own, if you will, you know, like, and so you're just getting to that point, you know, and so it makes I mean, it makes total sense.
Speaker 2:I had a numerologist, come on my show.
Speaker 2:And yeah yeah, that's one that we did a whole neurology show and that was at the time shockingly, but not it made me happy. It was the single most listened to downloaded day we ever had, when, I don't know, people just were really excited about the whole numerology thing. I think I'm a six, if I remember right. I could probably do it again Because I'm you. Just take your birthday, you take your birthday day, your birthday month and your birthday year and you keep, you keep adding them together until you get it to a number between one and nine.
Speaker 2:And a couple of people are going to be like that doesn't make sense because my number's 2,110. No, now take 21 and add two plus one, that's three. Now you're three. But add the one, now you're four. You got to keep adding and adding until you still break it down. But it was really fun because she she outlined the whole six thing structure and then she gave basics on everything else, but then she, like you know, it was a really fun thing to talk about and I think much like astrology is. Like you know, I'm an aquarian and I well, there we go.
Speaker 1:I'm an aquarius, so this is why we get along so well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I see I see parts of myself and things that are written about Aquarians. But then also I say is like you know, you have to look at the whole picture, right?
Speaker 1:So your sun sign for you it's Aquarius is only the tiniest, tiniest piece of your astrology chart and you have to really look at all of the chart for it to feel like it's really you, because you're not just your sun sign, right and with numerology. What you just said with your birth date is one piece of it, but there's also pieces with your name and there's pieces with tying the two together and you have to again look at the whole thing for it to completely be like oh yes, this is me in my life and this reflects who I am.
Speaker 1:And I needed to reflect back to the $6 million man and the bionic woman, because I just need to know that they are my real parents and will someday claim me, I think it can happen.
Speaker 2:If they're yours, then mine are Wonder Woman and MacGyver. Fantastic Fan, I'm all in.
Speaker 1:I'm all in.
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, I love it All right, so is there anything else that you want to say, do tell us. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Is there anything? Wait, no, I don't think there's anything else you can. You can check out world gone.
Speaker 2:Good, it's a podcast, you can, it's free. We have no commercials, except me plugging my damn books and we talked. We talk to all sorts of cool people and we also we do topics too. Sometimes we we did one of our most popular listen to ones. I, we did a Valentine's day one on love, but I twisted it.
Speaker 2:Speaking of soap operas, I invited a bunch of friends of mine, who an actress from days of our lives, a director from guiding light and days of Our Lives and All my Children, and then all of the themes came back to love, romance and how it ties back into soaps, and it turned into this really wacky, surreal show that I'm really proud of it. It's a couple of years old, but it's a fun one. So yeah, world Gone Good, we're around and check out my books wherever you like to find a cozy murder mystery. My name is Steven J Silverman and thank you for having me. It's always a pleasure and you're going to come on my show because we are approaching the 200th and I'm bringing back all of. We're reconnecting with a lot of our guests and I think very cool, yeah, you're one of them.
Speaker 1:Yay, all right. Well, thank you again for joining us, steve. I always love chatting with you and I definitely encourage everyone to tune into his podcast. I call it the thing you need to listen to when you feel like everyone is shitty, because you learn that not everyone's an asshole when you listen to his show.
Speaker 2:And, as I like to say really quickly, we are good, we're not nice, so just know that.
Speaker 1:Yes, there is that All you're good. We're not nice, so just know that. Yes, there is that All right. Well, thank you again, steve, and to all of my fabulous listeners, I will see you next time you.
